What you see above is the original version of the artwork concept I created in 2009 entitled “Can’t Fight It Anymore”. At the time I created this, I was in the midst of a very deep depression and was having medication issues. I came up with many dark and emotional artworks during this time including this one.
Read on to see exactly how this artwork has evolved over the years as I tried to perfect it. To see the most recent and/or final redux of this artwork, see here: Can’t Fight It Anymore
Here is what I wrote about the original “Can’t Fight It Anymore” back on February 14, 2009:
Fighting this illness is so hard… it’s an unfair fight… I’ve been outmatched… it’s almost got me.
Below you can see my first try at this concept and the second redux from 2013. The first redux was in 2011 but it was too similar to the 2013 redux seen below to bother with uploading it here. As you can see, I changed a few things while keeping other things the same. I updated the figure with an old character of mine named Deirdre and added some blood splatter to her skin. I also used a more ornate outfit texture. For the “depression monster” I changed it from a weird guy to a Minotaur to fit with the Greco-Roman theme. I also changed the camera angle to put more focus on the woman and created a depth of field effect for the setting.
The 2013 version while an improvement on the original is still not too great. That blood splatter looks so fake to me and the depth of field is too fuzzy looking for my tastes. I hoped to do better down the road and, in 2018, I did just that.
Below you can see a comparison between the 2013 redux and the final 2018 version. For the “final” 2018 version I added a new version of the Minotaur that is far more detailed, used a new more detailed warrior outfit for the woman, got rid of the fake looking blood splatter, and created a new light setup. I postworked the piece differently too to give it a bit of a “glowy” effect that I had just learned and still really like. I’m not sure why I didn’t give the new Minotaur a weapon. He still looks menacing enough without one.
Mental illness is an eternal struggle and sometimes, you just can’t fight it anymore. You try to fight, but come out bloodied and scarred. The beast, or illness, is relentless and shows no mercy.
I really like the final version of this artwork from 2018. I’m sure it could be further improved down the line but for right now, it looks perfect to me.