What you see above is the original version of my artwork concept entitled “Fear” from 2009. I came up with the concept for this artwork during a very deep depression in early 2009. At that time, I was very sick from stupidly stopping my medications cold turkey because I thought the pills were making me feel worse. Little did I know I was in for weeks of absolute hell as my body went through withdrawal. I created several unusual emotional artworks during this time and “Fear” was one of the first.
Read on to see exactly how this artwork has evolved over the years as I tried to perfect it. To see the most recent and/or final redux of this artwork, see here: Fear
Here is what I wrote about the original “Fear” back on February 05, 2009:
I didn’t take my medication last night and I’m paying for it. It made me sick. Throwing up, severe chills and shaking, and for a while I had a hard time breathing. I was too afraid to go to sleep so I didn’t. I was afraid. There are so many things I’m afraid of. How does one illustrate fear without diving too much into cliche but still make it where people can understand what you’re saying?
Being helpless, alone, lost, in the dark, being trapped, hearing strange noises you can’t identify, hearing strange noises that you identify wrongly, and the threat of death. Those things are fear.
I’m so cold.
At left is my first try at this concept from 2009 and at right is the first redux of it from 2012. As you can see, I used the original scene from 2009 as a base and changed/improved most of the elements in the scene while keeping the basic setting the same. I used higher-res raptor models, updated the main figure with my newly created Nicola character, added several new plants and rocks to add further detail to the scene. I also created a similar yet improved light setup. I postworked the redux with similar harshly enhanced details and high contrast while making it a bit brighter and adding a “cracked lens” effect to the flashlight.
I generally liked the 2012 redux but always knew I could do better and hoped that one day in the future, once my skills had further improved, that I would revisit this concept and recreate it once again. That day came in September of 2019 when I created a new and possibly final redux of “Fear”.
Here again my 2012 redux at left and my final 2019 redux of “Fear” is at right. Rather than reuse the old scene file like I did before, this time I started fresh with a brand new setting. Now instead of being deep in a labyrinth, she is lost in some tropical temple ruins. I once again changed the models for the raptors to something I again think is better and changed the main figure by updating her outfit and hair while keeping the Nicola character. I also kept the added detail from 2012 of the cracked lens on the flashlight. I created a brand new light setup for the 2019 redux with strong shadows including shadows projecting from one of the raptors for a more menacing horror effect. I didn’t realize I had used a similar pose as the previous redux until after I was finished.
Lost in the ruins, her flashlight is broken and the predators are closing in. She is overtaken by fear.
I absolutely love the “shadow-play” in this new redux artwork and it looks near perfection to me. I don’t see how I could improve it further. Yet. So, for now, this is the final version of “Fear”.